One of those days...

Ever try having house repairs done with workers coming and going out of your house when you have a one year old? A one year old who naps twice a day...it's challenging to say the least. Oh! I forgot to add the critical piece - a barking dog. Insert teeth grinding face here.

So today was one of those days. We had both the a/c repair guy and the Comcast repair guy here, at two different times, both not so conveniently at the little guy's nap times...can you see where I'm going here?

The first time, I put Colgan in a Pak 'n Play in our room, since the a/c guy had to get into his closet. He wasn't liking the new surroundings, but did finally fall asleep. That is until the dog barks when the a/c guy arrives early...and then wakes again when said a/c guy tests the central vac right by the bedroom. Now, guess who woke up for good?

Even without his nap, our typically well-rested lil guy was still in a pleasant mood. We enjoyed a great walk, yummy lunch, and then it was time to try nap 2. This one took some time, but he finally fell asleep after about 45 minutes and a lil coaching from Mom. Comcast calls not 15 minutes later (mind you, we had an 8-5 pm window), to let me know he was on his way.

At this point, I'm pretty sure Colgan is sleeping hard since he didn't nap much this morning, but low and behold about 45 minutes into the service call, Colgan is awoken again. And this time he's mad - throws his paci, scratches my face and rants like I can understand what he's saying. Quite frankly Colgan, I agree with you. Yes, it's been one of those days...

What Was I Thinking?

I know that may sound ominous, and I've definitely asked myself this question A LOT over the last several months, but this instance refers to my idea to cook one of my favorite (yet not time consuming) dinners. I was so excited! I made a grocery list, picked up everything from Publix, and was all set with my week of planned dinners. Should be easy right?

I love cooking! LOVE it! It's one of the things I miss most about juggling an infant now. So while Colgan was napping, and I try to do everything while he's napping, I marinated the pork tenderloin and prepped what needed to be prepped.

All ready! How did I do that?!! Colgan gets up, has a snack and starts playing. Come the appropriate time, I start cooking! Excited that Colgan is going to have something yummy and new for dinner! My favorite pork tenderloin with parmesan polenta! Did I mention I was excited that this was something new and not turkey meatloaf again or some lame chicken thing I cooked up last minute?

Well, I was grilling the pork on the stove since I can't turn on the grill without potentially catching myself on fire, and it was taking longer than I expected, BUT we were still in the "cooking dinner" window and not the COLGAN NEEDS TO EAT RIGHT NOW WINDOW...or, so I thought...

Half way through, complete meltdown - he's crying and if he could talk was saying, I WANT TO EAT RIGHT NOW! Sigh.

I'm not sure the pork is cooked all the way through, so I have to bag that. The sauce I was in the middle of making got scrubbed too, after I scorched the shallots. So much for cooking and all of the contentment and relaxation it used to bring me.

I throw a chicken patty in the microwave, heat up some left over veggies and give him the polenta. Not exciting in the least. But, he was eating and happy. Mom on the other hand was staring blankly at the mess of a kitchen wondering, what could I have been thinking?

Grateful

That is one powerful word. When I see that word I feel like crying. I have so much to be grateful for in my life. I am loved beyond measure, I have an incredible family and have everything I need. I’m truly blessed and one who does not deserve such blessings, yet still I am. I find lately that maybe I’ve been looking so far into myself and this new role as a mother – am I good enough, can I be doing something better, what can I be doing to control the situation - that I’m forgetting the true joy of what’s around me, who’s around me. Not to mention, forgetting to convey how truly grateful I am.

It’s easy to complain about missed naps, being a stay at home mom and never getting to leave “the office,” or wishing my husband didn't have to work so much. Let’s not forget here that's he’s the only one working …

Grateful. How could I forget such a humbling existence? So this post is dedicated to my husband, to the love of my life. As much as I love our son, Colgan’s father was my first love. We’ve always had that affectionate, lovey-dovey love that makes other couples sick. Heck, it made me sick until I met Chris. Then it was like “lightning running through my veins.” He makes me smile when I’m anxious and laugh when I’m sad. He’s the greatest person I know. I am so thankful to be on this adventure of life with him. I couldn’t imagine it with anyone else. My friend Brandi sent me that Faust quiz from Vanity Fair once, and the easiest question I answered was who I looked up to – my husband. I’ve never met a more humble, thoughtful and compassionate person, that is, until I met his mother. But, that’s for another day.

What's for Dinner?

It seems like I'm always asking my friend Brandi this question. Yet it seems we both struggle every day with what to make our boys for dinner. We want to make sure they're eating healthy, organic, home cooked food, but then 4:00 pm rolls around and we're off scrambling trying to put something together that is balanced and something they'll actually eat.

I try to buy organic foods, fresh vegetables and whole grains, but I still feel like I feed him the same things over and over again. I'm really trying for a varied diet and foods with different textures. I try and try again, but still get stumped. If you read my earlier post about being a baker, you'll understand that dinners can sometimes require improvising - something I'm not good at. Ask my poor Dad. He once ate "tomato chicken" when I was home from college. I can't just throw things together and get some masterpiece for dinner. Sadly, it's just not who I am.

I suppose it's also because he's a baby - he's only 10 1/2 months, and he's still getting teeth. So, our options aren't exactly wide open, but I do try really hard for variety.

I think the whole feeding the baby thing is another mom guilt trap. Just like from birth - breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Once again we moms are wrapped up in the worry about making sure our kids are getting the best start at life as well as the best continued nourishment as they continue developing and growing. And so we worry, again, and always.

I try my best though. I text mom friends for ideas and read my cookbooks. After all the research, I come up with some fantastic new recipe for chicken. Oh yes, it truly is as exciting as it sounds...

So, I'm a Baker

Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook. We Cancers are happiest with food in our hands (or mouths for that matter) and aprons on, proudly fluttering around the kitchen. I have several aprons in fact. I LOVE aprons. If you truly know me, then you know how much I love aprons and that I actually collect them. My grandmother wore an apron, and I loved her beyond measure. She was a gruff, French woman, but she showed me how much she loved me by baking yummy things. But, I digress.

Cooking requires improvising, and I don’t improvise well. I’m the same way with my baby, but that’s for another day. Cooking allows you to stray from the recipe, to “take the road less traveled,” so to speak. You can add a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Hey, maybe let’s try this, this go around. But baking? Eh, eh. There’s no improvising really, just exact measurements in each recipe, and these exact measurements are crucial to your end game. A little too much of one thing - and your cake may not rise. A little too much of another thing - and your cookies may be dry.

I’ve come to learn that I like exact measurements, a recipe if you will. I used to improvise well! In fact, ask my husband and he’ll tell you just how much. But these days, my life requires more of a recipe, a list of measurements and ingredients to follow. And I’m okay with that. In fact, I need that. I may not have 10 years ago, but again that’s another story. I’m a wife of almost five years, a stay at home mom, and an amateur baker. My sanity requires exact measurements because there just seem to be too many variables; too many ways life improvises and requires you to go along for the ride.

So at night, I grab my baking recipe - baby down, husband fed, wine poured, and I find my happiness in what I know will be an exact result. Not a nap cut short, a dinner that didn’t quite turn out as it should, or a last minute meeting that keeps the hubby at the office. Precision and harmony. Ahh.